We Thought They Were Cool: The Moffatts

Don’t lie to me. When you were young, you would do things that you think were cool. You listen to music you thought was kick-ass, wear clothing you feel was exceptional, and make gestures that you thought were awesome.

Then you grew and realized something — they were all a bunch of crap. And you blame yourself so much because you just found out that you’re too stupid to follow the bandwagon.

Let me give a trip down memory lane to remind you of those things. You may or may not have liked them way back, but for sure, I was one of those people who thought they were cool back then. And for starters, let me re-introduce you to a band who introduced nasal singing. I present to you… The Moffats!!!

They honestly thought it was rock n roll. kids.

WHO THE HELL ARE THEY?

They are a Canadian quartet who happened to be brothers. They broke out right after Hanson took the world by storm in 1997. They thought they would have the same fate, but only we would give attention to them. All together now! Na na na na na na na na na na na!

WHY WE THOUGHT THEY WERE COOL

With all due respect they have the talent on making songs. The lyrics and melody were somehow catchy for us Pinoys.

WHY WERE THEY POPULAR?

You want to know how popular they are? Well, back when there were still song magazines in the Philippines, there is a certain magazine that features the fans’ feedback about their favorite artists. And believe me, it was dirty. It’s throwing crap one after another. This can be considered World War 3. And it all started between heated arguments on who was the better group: Hanson or The Moffatts.

When they grew up, they became werewolves.

WHY DID THEY BREAK UP?

Older brother Scott got tired of hearing the group being branded as “boy band”. Honestly, what’s wrong with that?! You are still boys and you’re in a band. Anyway, he quit because of that.

AFTER THE BREAK UP

One of the members, Dave, joined Canadian Idol, a proof that they are not that popular everywhere. In 2001, he confessed that he is gay, a common trait among all boy bands. The other 2 boys, Clint and Bob, went to Thailand and formed a band called Same Same. Sounds gay once again. Scott is still working on other bands.

Same same. Same old crap.

REGRETS ON LIKING THEM?

As for me? A big HELL YES. I thought back then I was already listening to Hard Rock. I even tried to copy Scott’s voice by singing using my nose. I should have known better.

Comic Book Movies and the Black Attack

Seriously,  are Hollywood movie directors running out of creative ideas for adapting a super-hero movie? Forget the storyline adaptation, they really suck at that (Spidey’s biological web, anyone?). But what I cant take is that even in costumes… yes the costumes… those silly-coloured spandex that we wish to wear in Halloween… they cant even do a good job in that department to bring our favorite characters back to life.

Case in point: X-Men. Did you expect these mutants to appear like this in the movies?

No carabaos were killed in making these... uhmm... clothes

Where the hell is Wolverine’s mask? Tsk tsk tsk. They can’t create it I suppose. FYI, they’re supposed to look like this:

It's blue and yellow. Not black. Brian Singer you're colorblind

By the way, did you know that in the movie, they were supposed to divide the X-Men into 2? The names of those teams are Team Edward and Team Jacob (cue to laugh).

This eerie black costume trend was made popular by Tim Burton when he made Batman. But we can forgive him since Batman is “The Dark Knight” (wooh scary!).  And at that time it appeared like an episode of Tales from the Crypt.

Is Keaton even happy being Batman?

And the rest have followed:

It varies in different shapes and (cup) sizes

Halle Berry in Catwoman: here kitty kitty!

Pam Anderson in Barb-Wire: here pussy pussy!!!

Nationalities and races

GI Joe apparel now available at 168

Some don’t want to make it obvious

The X-Files rejects

Yeah yeah yeah!!! When it’s black it makes it sexier, edgy and all those Hollywood crap. But how about sticking to the comic? You happen to remember Dick Tracy? The movie was forgotten but it sure does look like it came from the pages.

Didn't say pages of an ancient book

And when the run out of budget for their costumes, they stick with the all-time lifesaver — the coat. Don’t want to believe me? Then scroll down.

Comic Book

Bullseye. Daredevil's enemy.

Movie

Colin Farrell as himself

Comic Book

Dr. Octopus. Spider-man villain.

Movie

Doc Ock. Love child of Dr. Octopus and Dick Tracy

Comic Book

Nick Fury

Movie

Nick Fury. Got tanned.

Comic Book

Dark Phoenix. Hot as hell.

Movie

Dark Phoenix. Hot-headed in the movie.

Cant question too much these directors and film studios, they have the final say. And we really cant question how they interpret it since it’s their artistic license. Heck, if they made Batgirl not related to Commisioner Gordon, then they can also make Robin gay.

Then again, it’s still good if the comic books we’ve ready would really come to the big screen exactly as they were  written… and drawn. B’Samurai out!

Then There was Kayden Kross

I am no fan of porn at all… before. I used to see those porn videos from random DVDs that I would get from a random friend and I will just randomly play if I just randomly feel like it. And then I would feel ugly because the girls I would see on those videos are really ugly. Back then I haven’t seen any porn star I would go ga-ga about. They all look — for a lack of a better term — slutty.

I don’t care about others digging this kind of fetish but for me I just have no interest with porn. I’d rather see some R –rated film than see some mug shots of genitals grinding for a whole 15 minutes or so.

There are pretty, and I mean really pretty porn stars. But then, they still dont catch my attention. Just take for example Sasha Grey.

She does those things that even other porn stars dare not to try. She’ll even make Paris Hilton look embarrassed with her escapades. And her eyes will try to kill you. It’s just that she’s too hardcore that I cannot stomach it. Not interested.

If porn stars from the west are too dirty to even be compared to a prostitute, there are also Japanese stars like Maria Ozawa, that other men are fantasizing about.

Why?! Why are you even a porn star?!

First thing you’ll ask yourself is what the hell is she doing getting naked and be hit by some random ugly Japanese? She can have a better career than this. I think she has daddy issues and used porn as means of rebelling. But more than 100 videos made is too rebellious now.

If Sasha Grey lost my interest on her bizaare scenes, Maria just annoyed me with her baby-like moans. I don’t know if she even likes what she is doing. It’s like she’s telling you to save her from her misery.

See, even the prettiest porn stars wont catch my interest. Until some friend of mine introduced me to 1 porn actress who would change my life. A porn star too blonde to be witty, too modest to be slutty, too… too… I’m talking too much.

The girl, is none other than — drum roll please — Kayden Kross!

Must... stop... staring!

Just when I thought all porn stars are stupid, there was Kayden Kross. She’s like the typical working student, with a very extraordinary work to finance her studies. Soon to be a graduate from college, she tries to juggle her academics from her naked endeavors. And she’s not even planning to leave the industry even after graduating. Likey!

When I thought all porn stars do nothing but get naked and get laid then get paid, there was Kayden Kross. This girl, aside from having her own website, is also a blogger just like me. Although she doesn’t post frequently, you can check out her words of wisdom at unkrossed.blogspot.com. Even I got schooled with the way she does her blogs.

To top it all off, she does good porn. Her videos can make Justin Bieber reach puberty quickly (cause she still doesn’t look 16 to me).

And so when I thought everything was a fail for me in porn, she came in and made me believe that I can enjoy this adults-only world. All of a sudden, my cookies are filled with several FLV porn sites just because of her. You are a gift from heaven.

To see all her work, go to www.clubkayden.com and unkrossed.com. Talk about free advertisement.

Before I Die II

I told there are a lot more things that came up my mind after posting my first BEFORE I DIE post. For those who are wondering why am I doing this, no, I do not have AIDS nor do I have Herpes. I just feel doing it.

Create a zombie short film. I college I have directed a short film, which I wasnt too proud of. Let’s just say it sucked. Someday, I want to make it up to that. I want to make a short that I know I really worked hard on. And did I mentioned I want a short about zombies? I think I am too addicted with those hideous creatures.

Join a Marathon. Wall climbing. Check. Boxing session. Check. Guess it’s time for another physical activity and joining a marathon is first in mind. Now can somebody donate some running shoes for me?

Steady...

Fire a Gun. There is something bad ass about holding 2 guns and pretend you are Dante of Devil May Cry. Of course, gun shooting for no reason is “bad” and it will eventually make you an “ass”. But what if I just try to go to a shooting range and then shoot the hell of out those targets. And I hope I dont get “out of target”.

Learn to Swim. To those who know me and are reading this, laugh like there’s no tomorrow. Yes, I am awful at swimming and you should see it for yourself. Just to give you a idea, you know how a dog swims? Enough said.

What did I tell you?

Lego. My dad bought me a Lego set when I was a kid. I didnt like it that time because it was about pirates and I prefer super heroes that time so I didnt finish building it. It’s fulfilling just like building a Gundam robot.

Get Married. Who doesnt want to? Duh!

Best part of any wedding...

And let’s stop from there. If my list goes up to 100, I think I need to reincarnate to do them all.

Vampires vs. Zombies: I Choose The Latter

Empty the Madison Square Garden. Put in a whole bunch of undead zombies. Add some blood hungry vampires and you got Apocalypse 2.0. But I do wish those ghouls beat those Sunscreen field beings. I’m biased. I hate the vampires and I just feel sorry that Blade is one of them. He is just more manly than those pussy vamps (coughing: Edward!!!)

Here are some reasons why I like zombies better than those… errr… dammit I don’ even want to say what they are.

Zombies are not as sexy as vampires. Goodness gracious! You’re beings of the underworld and should not appear like coverboys for GQ magazine.

Women would crave to be bitten by vampires, people would run for their lives not to be infected by ghouls. Dear infatuated ladies, your skin will have the feel of their fangs and I am telling you… IT’S PAINFUL. Get it now? Now dont even dream to be bitten by some English lad just because he took his top off.

There are no prominent zombie characters. For vampires we got Dracula, Lestat, Blade, and the rest of the Twilight peeps. For zombies… uhmm… errr… White Zombie? No? Uhmmm… let me see. Rob Zombie? No again? Okay. None. Low profile then. Better. Underdogs. Yes!

No one would want to kiss a zombie or even sleep with them. Whether it’s a vampire, werewolf, zombies, or any other underworld being, the idea is that you should be afraid of them. What if Edward was played by Carrot Top? Do you still want to cheer for them? Let alone have his top taken off?

Emo is to vampires as Metal is to zombies.

They have Milla Jovovich to kill them.

Zombies most famous lines are just moans. Less talk, less mistakes.

To kill a zombie, you must aim for the head. To kill a vampire, aim for heart. That means vampires are a bunch of stupids who dont use their brains.

Zombies still go for it even if they have lost a limb. Never-say-die spirit. That’s why they are called “undead”.

Just one thing I dont understand about my dear zombies. If they want flesh, then why dont they just eat each other? Anyway, I still love them.